Okay so I haven’t been very good at keeping my blog updated. Other then the quotes I posted yesturday I haven’t really talked about what’s going on in my life. Usually I write blog posts partially to update my family. But since I’ve been home I haven’t really found the need to. I realized though that blogging isn’t just to share with others but it’s for my mental health. It’s good to get out what I’m feeling, and what ?I’m learning. Makes it more real, yeah know? So anyways, I’ve been at my parents house for 18 days now. I’m glad to be here but it’s showing me how frail I still am. Being here is probably my biggest test of Godliness and I’d say my time here has been a complete and utter failure. I definetly had higher hopes, but in the back of my mind I have a feeling that me being here would reveal the weaknesses I still possess. Which is not all that bad I suppose. Seeing your weaknesses is the first step to change right? Right. I know that when I get back I’m going to share how my visit was with one or two of my trustworthy friends who usually have some pretty good insight. This is good. I’m growing, even if the signs of it aren’t as visible at my parents. It’s a process. One big thing that has been helping me is something I read in ‘The Practice of Godliness’ about controllling your thoughts. It said something about how your thoughts become action and you turn into your thoughts. I always felt like my thoughts took me captive but I realized that I CAN control them and it makes a huge difference. When I’m having negative thoughts about someone I can change that and when I’m having negative thoughts about myself I look back to what God says about me. I am a child of God! I am a friend of Jesus! I am blameless in His sight. When I am going into that dark place of depression and suicidal thoughts I can purposely take captive my thoughts and praise God because He loves me even when I look down upon myself. He chose me.
One of the thoughts God has been showing me is very important is humble thoughts. When it comes to my family more specifically humbling myself has to become one of my most go-to attitudes. Doing what God has asked of me even when it hurts. Not seeking to get even when someone ticks me off. Being an example by not grumbling or arguing. It’s hard to shut my mouth in some situations but I’m working for my father and not humans. He wants me to put others first even when it hurts! I think back to the scripture “If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals upon his head.”